Tanya walked with her friend Masha through the snow one day midway through their 10th grade year when they were both 15. It had been almost a half year since Masha had nearly been murdered in a random senseless hate crime. Ever since the first day in the hospital, after they had to operate first without anesthesia just to save her life, Tanya had been by her side, and that’s what saved Masha. Just Tanya being there, and only because they had randomly met in class when they were 12.
Masha walked behind Tanya, having naturally seen her as a leader who protected her from the misery of the world. Even before the hate crime, Tanya had been saving Masha. They both had the same sort of mild and ambiguous autism that got them put in classes with boys who were far below their ability to function. Their placement in those classes induced intense self criticism. Tanya had an older friend named James, a senior from her school who dealt with that feeling from middle school harmfully by hating other autistic people and convincing himself that it would be merciful for disabled people not to exist. It was just a cry for help from someone who believed he was destined to be a lonely and celibate loser and couldn’t imagine anyone with a disability not being one. Tanya and Masha were likely mildly autistic, and within a year, Tanya would become James’ only beacon of light in the world. With his hateful ideas, he was saying that she should be erased from existence, that someone who brought so much beauty to the world shouldn’t be allowed to live.
As Masha walked behind Tanya on this beautiful day while snow fell to the ground, she didn’t think about what had happened to her during the Summer. She focused only on the magic of watching the snow falling to the ground and how everything was almost in grayscale. The white ground blended with the gray sky and snow on the ground visible through the bare trees made the sky and ground blend together. Masha and Tanya felt that being out in the snow after it had recently fallen wasn’t just intensely beautiful, it was a magical and mystical experience. Not just because the trauma from the Summer was gone, but also because of Masha’s trauma from being placed in inappropriate classes. Tanya had the same experience as well and carried the baggage from it. That’s why she related to Masha and James so well.
Off in the distance, Masha watched a bird fluffing itself as it sat on a fence post. She pointed it out to Tanya. It made Tanya smile, but then almost cry. She didn’t fully understand why at 15, but it was because Masha was able to see and appreciate something so beautiful and cute after what had happened to her. Tanya put her arm around Masha and held her close. They both watched the bird fluffing itself in the snow on top of the fence post and allowed the world to melt away around them. All of their concerns and anxieties disappeared at that moment. In that moment, they both realized without thinking it that Masha was recovering and she would be able to recover almost as well as anyone. They simply admired the cute bird in the snow on the fence post without any emotional bittersweet pain. They just took in how beautiful it was.
Masha and Tanya continued walking along the snow covered sidewalk of the neighborhood built in the 1970s that Tanya had grown up in since the early 1990s. She recognized everything, including all the snow covered landmarks she had seen before she was in school, and instantly remembered walking by them when she was younger. It was nostalgic, but not uncomfortable. They fondly remembered everything that they had seen before, but were too young to have an intense sense of nostalgia. They both thought back to their childhoods, Tanya remembered walking around the same neighborhood, and Masha remembered walking around her own neighborhood that was built around the same time. They were both incredibly happy to be able to be with each other on that incredible day.